We Got Y’All: 2 Ways Breakup Therapy Could've Helped Issa of Insecure Through Her Break Up
I was scrolling through my Instagram when I saw Hoorae Media, Issa Rae’s-led media company, announced that Insecure is now airing on the OWN channel. It brought me back to how much of a breath of fresh air that show was. A world where an awkward Black woman is on the cusp of major life transitions and we get to watch her and her girlfriends navigate love, careers, and friendship. This also brought me back to all the ways I sat there thinking “ Girl if you only went to therapy…”. Though the show ended up becoming a space that normalizes Black folks going to therapy, there were many instances where Issa could’ve benefited from talking to a therapist herself. Here are just a couple of ways:
Addressing Avoidance-
We start the show with a very unsatisfied Issa. She works for a local non-profit that throws daily microaggressions at her and comes home to a romantic partner who seems to be stuck figuring out his own aspirations. She’s completely unstimulated in the parts of her world where she spends the most time and she’s over it.
The persistence of these issues in her life drives her to a place of self-destruction. She ultimately cheats on her boyfriend, Lawrence, and eventually quits her job on a whim, without a plan in place. Both events happen throughout the course of multiple seasons. Issa’s resistance to addressing her discontent sabotages her ability to make healthy, proactive decisions about what she really wants; having her resort to sources of immediate gratification that end up harming her in long run.
We’re All Guilty of Avoidance
This is all a result of avoidance and we’ve all been guilty of this. Besides, avoidance works! If we pretend something isn’t as big of a problem that needs fixing (or perhaps pretend the problem doesn’t exist at all), then it will just go away, right? Perhaps that’s true for a little while, but avoidance is really just a bandaid. Issa’s issues eventually caught up to her and behaved in ways that caused her significant grief and remorse.
I wonder what nuggets of insight and tools she might have gained in talking to someone with a more objective perspective on her situation. Someone that could teach her ways to connect with how she really feels and identify what feelings she’s been avoiding.
Accessing Accountability-
Season 2 of Insecure ends with Issa and Lawrence having an honest conversation about what they could've done better for each other. Issa realizes she expected Lawrence to not only elevate himself but save her as well. Was Issa projecting her own expectations about herself onto Lawrence? Could that have been fueling the brewing resentment she felt that led her to seek comfort elsewhere?
Accountability is something so easy to skirt around. Many of us avoid it at all costs because it’s an action that forces us to be vulnerable. It forces us to admit that we are flawed and perhaps made a mistake. Some of us are better at doing that than others. Some of us may not even have examples of that in our own lives. This is where breakup therapy comes in.
Conflicts in Relationships Aren’t Always The Other Person’s Fault
As much as we may feel targeted or like the victim in a situation, conflicts in relationships (friend or romantic) don’t happen in a vacuum. The conflict is often an end result of multiple elements that all parties participated in and have been building on each other - like the notion that Issa’s cheating was a symptom of a bigger problem in her relationship with Lawrence that he also contributed to.
Breakup therapy is a space where you’re building a rapport with someone to help hold you accountable. No matter what you’re addressing in your work with your therapist, or how long you’ve been working together, there’s always an underlying goal that was established at the beginning that anchors the work. Your breakup therapist is there to remind you of your goals and help you explore if some of the perspectives or actions you want to take align with those goals.
There was a bittersweetness to the end of that season because you finally saw a couple whose relationship crumbled in the face of poor communication, finally…communicate. Lawrence finally tells Issa “I’m sorry for not being who you expected me to be”. Through it, all, Insecure has always been a show about friendships. And friendship break-ups can be just as hard as romantic relationship break-ups. But that’s a story for another blog post where we explore the ways that breakup therapy can help you learn how to advocate for yourself! Will you give the show a rewatch?
Interested in Starting Breakup Therapy in New York, NY?
If you're someone who relates to Issa Rae from the TV show Insecure and you're going through a tough breakup, I want to encourage you to consider getting breakup therapy. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and lost during this time, but talking to a breakup therapist can help you work through your emotions and find a path forward. Take care of yourself and don't hesitate to seek support! To get started follow these three simple steps:
Request a Free 15-Minute Phone Consultation
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OTHER THERAPY SERVICES OFFERED AT RESTORITY SPACE
I understand that you may have more challenges than breakups and you might want to explore those. This is why I offer more therapy services online at my New York practice and in New Jersey than just therapy for breakups. Other therapy services I offer include Trauma Therapy, Individual Therapy, and Group Therapy. No matter what challenge you are facing, I am here to help. Check out my Blog and Speaking Engagements!